Vignette: Sea Snake

It was the very first time I’d seen a sea snake in the flesh, and it gave me the creeps. According to a wildlife show on the National Geographic Channel, sea snakes are not aggressive by nature but will not hesitate to bite in self defense. And the way Frank was trying to bash its head in against the sand with a brown, disheveled coconut fruit, I wouldn’t blame the blue and white striped serpent if it suddenly decided to lash out and punch in a couple of holes in my friend’s calf.

 

The sun had just risen and we decided to trawl the water’s edge and search for a few valuables that could be salvaged– valuables from our capsized boat that might have washed ashore — when my girlfriend Jenny saw the snake. The beached animal was struggling to crawl back to the safety of the sea. The sea snake’s paddle-like tail is designed to propel its body forward efficiently while swimming, but on land this modification leaves the animal lumbering and awkward, sluggish even. Perhaps emboldened by the animal’s clumsiness, Frank picked up a coconut and decided to use it to flatten the snake.

 

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea,” I told him. “We’re thousands of miles from a hospital. If you get bitten, you’re good as dead.

 

“That’s the point, Fred. I’m trying to kill it so it won’t bite anyone.”

 

“You’re stupid,” said Jenny. “Obviously it’s not looking for something or someone to bite. It’s just trying to go home. Leave it alone.”

 

“Make me.”

 

And as if to punctuate his statement, Frank brought the coconut down hard on the snake’s head. Its body twisted and thrashed violently before laying still.

 

Frank kicked the unmoving serpent to make sure it was dead. He picked up the snake and held it up with a smile. “Snake barbecue, anyone?”

 

“I won’t eat that.” I said.

 

“You’re crazy!” Jenny exclaimed. “Go ahead and cook that. I hope there’s enough venom in that snake to kill you.”

 

Frank clenched the snake in his hand. His nails dug into the soft body.  “Just what the hell is your problem?”

 

“You are the problem,” Jenny said, red-faced. “You’re the reason why we’re stranded in this godforsaken island! You’re the one who said you knew how to handle a motor banca. You’re the one who said we’ll just drive around and be back before lunch. And now you ask me what’s my problem?”

 

“I didn’t hit that rock on purpose. I didn’t know it was too shallow to go that fast. Stop blaming me. You’re the one who tagged along. I was just going to take Fred.”

 

“Guys, please stop this.” I pleaded.

 

“He started it.” Jenny said, and stormed off.

 

Frank shrugged, and turned to me. “Your girlfriend needs to learn how to relax, bai. I’m going to gather some firewood. If you want some snake for breakfast, just let me know.”

 

Frank ended up not eating the snake at all. Courtesy of Jenny, he had some human meat for breakfast. Medium rare.